Blasting Past Neediness in Business and the Importance of Having a Life

MattBusiness, Lifestyle, MindsetLeave a Comment

Let’s talk a bit about the differences between seeing your business as a do-or-die and seeing your business as hobby.

I know most people will probably expect me to call seeing business as a hobby as being total nonsense. After all, the tagline of this site used to be, “Make Movies Or Die Tryin’.”

However, I want to talk today about looking at things a little differently. What if we considered our business, whether it be a video production business or something else, as being our hobby?

Seeing your business as a hobby has many benefits, not least of which is taking some of that built-up pressure off your back.

This post will address some of those benefits.


Looking at your business as a hobby is a useful distinction. In the past, I tried decompartmentalizing  my business so that I could take a mental step back, then got back into this stuff as a hobby.

I thought I’d seen and read it all, but I discovered there was still more interesting facets of success, psychology and business dynamics that I could learn.

So often people get stuck in the day-to-day of their business and feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. They’re bogged down in taxes, transactions and stress and can’t see the forest for the trees.

The important difference here is that when you see your success with business as a hobby, you start to forget that “need” you once had.

Allow yourself to see all this as a hobby. The need disappears. You don’t need it, but there’s certainly nothing wrong with expanding your knowledge and awareness in an area that you are truly passionate about.

It’s fun. Getting good at this area is fun and effortless…if you want it to be.

So, drop all attachments to the ego and how far behind you think you are, and see this as a hobby – don’t set the life or death frame.

The hobbyist mindset is powerful because you are doing it for you rather than any perceived gains that someone or something might promise you.


Are you “business needy”:

  • Do you feel unnaturally drawn towards getting rapport with other people?
  • Do you find yourself being overly-friendly in order to develop a business relationship with someone who’s clearly not interested?
  • Do you find yourself doing extra things for people in order to win their favor?
  • Do you constantly end sentences with questions like, “do you?” or “isn’t it?”
  • Are you constantly seeking approval from other people?
  • In your business relationships, do you find you’re always making more of an effort than other people?

Answering “yes” to a number of these means you are most likely exhibiting neediness.

In the realm of business dynamics, conversations have natural rhythms of give and take. There is a natural relationship between the effort each party puts into maintaining the interaction.

If you regularly find yourself looking to continue the interaction more forcefully than the person you’re speaking to, then you’re most likely coming from a position of less power.

In fact, many of the mannerisms that we we regularly see in business (or social) interactions are a part of that give and take relationship.

And, let’s face it – in business, the person with the most power is the person who’s able to walk away.

Laughter, as well as being a great reliever of stress, is  a social mechanism that indicates how well you’re gaining rapport in any interaction you’re having. A great way of avoiding neediness is making the other person laugh for laughter’s sake, rather than doing it from a position of trying to get an outcome.

This may seem complex, but approach rapport from a mutually satisfying position. Both parties should be getting an equally pleasant experience from the interaction. If you find you’re saying or doing things to get a reaction, or worse still, you’re becoming a dancing monkey, then it’s a good time to reassess your position in the interaction.


It all comes down to having a life.

I want to drill home a point if you haven’t already picked up on it: This is more than just being better at business stuff. This is about creating a life – an incredible life that we build for ourselves.

This, of course, has the wonderful side-effect of allowing people to see how awesome it would be to work with us, naturally leading to more people wanting to work with us.

If you do this right: all of a sudden, your work calendar is bursting to the brim and you’re struggling to fit everyone in!

Sound good?

You see, this is approaching business and life from a position of power, as opposed to one of weakness. It’s not going out with underhanded “tactics” or “tricks” to encouragement people to want to work with you. It’s not about convincing, it’s about being.

When you understand this, it gets to a point where you often don’t even need to “sell” people on your skills and experience. Your reputation precedes you and you come pre-sold.

What would you think if you found yourself in some Hollywood after-party and Christopher Nolan was there throwing screenplays at people trying to desperately get something made?

First of all, you’d probably ask, “What the heck am I doing at a Hollywood party!?” But after you’d gotten over the shock, you’d wonder why Nolan was behaving like that. Isn’t that guy already high enough value, you’d ask.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “I’m not Christopher Nolan.” It doesn’t matter. The guy has off the charts value, but you can have some of that too, if you start holding these powerful beliefs as self-evident.

You may not reach the appex of insane value that a Nolan or Scorsese or Eastwood have, but that doesn’t matter. I ask you this: “Do you really need that kind of value right now?”

We all have to start somewhere.

Do you need Scorsese’s value to get a short film made in your city?

As we know, from there, once you get that made – the world can be your oyster.

I’m here to tell you that with just a fraction of that value, you can achieve remarkable things. One you realise you’re “the shit” (and believe it!), great things start to happen.


You’re going to make three phone calls today. You need to do them one after the other.

1. The first call is to a friend who you haven’t seen in a long while. Someone you’ve been meaning to get back in touch with, but haven’t for whatever reason.

Do it now.

2. Call number 2 is to a club/group/community/activity that you’d really like to join and get involved in, but have been putting it off for whatever reason.

Call now (don’t email) and arrange to meet the owner/group/person involved. A great one for this is the gym, if you’re not already working out.

3. Finally, Call number 3 is to a family member you have lost touch with.

If you can’t find their number, look it up or get it from someone who has it. Make the call and speak with them for at least 10 minutes.

After the conversation, take a few minutes to reflect on the emotions you went through before, during, and after the call.


Most people would have come across this before. It’s one of the world’s most accepted personality tests.

Sure, it has been critisced and it certainly won’t tell you everything about yourself. Still, it’s a good starting point, especially if you’ve never done something like this before.

You’re going to be taking the test today.

1. Go to:

2. Open the website in a separate tab to this one, so that you can read these instructions.

3. The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator was designed after World War II, based on the theories of the psychoanalyst Carl Jung. It is often used to determine someone’s personality, their aptitude for group dynamics, leadership, among other attributes, and is especially useful when discussing self-esteem.

4. There are 68 questions. Each question has only two possible answers and you must select one.

5. Afterward, submit your test and wait for the results. You will be classed into one of 16 different personality types, and will receive information on your assessment.

Remember, this test and its results are not fact. Enjoy it as insight, and feel free to use what you learn in conversations with friends and business contacts.


Without value, something is inherently not worthy. With value, that thing is worthy, and being worthy is powerful.

This explains why people buy ridiculously expensive clothes when more budget clothing would do the same job. We don’t have to agree that it has value, but the fact that some people will pay thousands for a purse means that it has value in their eyes.

The good thing about all this is that once you understand the concept of value, you can create and solidify your own by living an outstanding and awesome life.

Instead of demonstrating, we need to be. When you recognize your own value (and everything you think, feel and believe about yourself is in-line and congruent with that), then great things happen. When I interact with a potential client, I don’t have to go in trying to demonstrate my value by using tricks and mind games.

The person with the most power in any interaction is the one who can walk away. By wanting something more from a business interaction, you’ve already rendered yourself at a disadvantage. If you give away your power in an interaction, then you lose that interaction – whether it be a sale, a new client or a deal.

Not wanting something is power…even when you do want it.

I hope this has been informative. It’s certainly helped a lot with my own video business.

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